remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Of course I have a pirate flag
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
