My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
