Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
