She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You're like the curious george of whores
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
