well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
