He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
