nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize