I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
