Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
