so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
