Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
