you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
