We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
