Ambien. No doubt about it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
