I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
