I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
and you fell through a lawn chair
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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