everyone is single if you try hard enough
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
