so explain again why im purple
no
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize