we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
