i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize