Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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