is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
