i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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