just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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