he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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