I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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