Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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