Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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