Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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