Yo dont text me then not text me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
