I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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