how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
