It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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