You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
