Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I want a musical about memes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
