i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
