Whatcha textin bout Willis?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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