I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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