dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
