You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
