maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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