I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
