My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize