Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
