So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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