He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
