Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
even my farts smell like vagina
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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