flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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