Can Purell be used as lube?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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