I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
