just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
