It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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