This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
