I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
