I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize