i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
