Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
