I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
