Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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