i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
