I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
