Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
two words: eviction party
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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