Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
