I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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