You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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