The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
