Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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