Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
