Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
