I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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