He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
