a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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