Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
