New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
