we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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