Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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