Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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