can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
