I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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