I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize