as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
