I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
