You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
