I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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