This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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